FIRST LOVE FORSAKEN?

“Yes, of Course!” – A prompt answer often used as a response to the question, “Do you love God?”

Apparently, it’s habitually used to just cut and run away from that awkward conversation, and then usually followed by enumerating the things done as proof of love for God.

At some point I ask myself, “Do I really love God?” – “Of course!”

Indeed? Or am I just assuming?

How certain am I that I truly love God and not just hollowly claiming?

Revelation 2:3~4 – Why do these verses punch me to the core?

If I really do love Him, just how exactly? To what extent?

I have come to realize that all hard work and sacrifices may be just in vain.

Am I serving out of love for God, or just out of obligation?

Yes, I love God because He first loved me and gave Himself for me. Yet after a decade, I did change. My first love is fading out. I may have continued in His service but my passion drop off. I remember few years back, I passionately serve God with all my heart and grab every opportunity to please Him at the church, at home, or elsewhere I may be. I always considered every act of love too little compared to what God has done for me.  No reasons, no excuses, no obstacles, no hardships, nothing ever shook my passion for God and nothing was more wonderful than being in His presence, not even the luxury this world offers.

But as the years went by, I became a wife, then a mother. I started dreaming more of material things for a better family life, a good future for my child, sufficient funds for the later years, and more like so. Serving God then became just a tedious responsibility. Marriage and motherhood obligations then became the reason, the excuse, the obstacle, the hardship that gradually tailed off passion for devotion to the Almighty. At times I even try to self-vindicate by saying, “I’m already doing enough much more than others.”

I am shamefully admitting, “Indeed, I have forsaken my first love!”

I am prayerfully beseeching my Heavenly Father to renew my first love and again take back His sovereignty in my life. Please do pray for me also. Godspeed!