Wednesday, September 18, 2013

SPIRITUAL FEEBLENESS



In this tough world, everyone needs resilience, spiritual resilience above all. Each moment is a battle, walking against the rushing torrent that drives you away from the mount of God’s glory. And with every day’s spiritual warfare, I have my share of ups and downs, and yes upside downs too.

I don’t get it when someone who professes faith in Jesus Christ allows himself to be driven away from the presence of God. Alright, we all lose heart and fall at some points of our lives, who doesn’t? But allowing yourself to stay down and go along with the flow is another thing. Isn’t it that the Savior doesn’t just save us from the eternal damnation of hell? Beyond doubt, He is mighty to save us from every day’s troubles.

Unsympathetic! Ouch, yes that’s me.

It’s upsetting to see such situations, but it’s more upsetting to find myself showing little to no sympathy at all. I was just being critical until the heavens put me in their shoes.  Disheartened and downcast, and staying so, and feeling worse seeing some people (like who I was) unsympathetic. I don’t get myself also while in this dilemma. I know the solution, the way out but I just can’t understand why I am allowing myself to stay down.

I have come to realize that it’s not really the troubles or any difficult or hurtful situation that made me stay down, it’s my spiritual feebleness. I’ve been through this and that but why now I am failing over and over again? The difference: I am battling with my own strength, my own way. It’s awfully my bad to think I can do it on my own when in fact the battle is not mine but my Savior’s. I didn’t pray, I didn’t confer with Him. I was confident to take the battle without any armor and obviously I failed and failed and failed and never win until I allowed my Savior to come to my rescue.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

FIRST LOVE FORSAKEN?

“Yes, of Course!” – A prompt answer often used as a response to the question, “Do you love God?”

Apparently, it’s habitually used to just cut and run away from that awkward conversation, and then usually followed by enumerating the things done as proof of love for God.

At some point I ask myself, “Do I really love God?” – “Of course!”
Indeed? Or am I just assuming?
How certain am I that I truly love God and not just hollowly claiming?


Revelation 2:3~4 – Why do these verses punch me to the core?

If I really do love Him, just how exactly? To what extent?

I have come to realize that all hard work and sacrifices may be just in vain.

Am I serving out of love for God, or just out of obligation?

Yes, I love God because He first loved me and gave Himself for me. Yet after a decade, I did change. My first love is fading out. I may have continued in His service but my passion drop off. I remember few years back, I passionately serve God with all my heart and grab every opportunity to please Him at the church, at home, or elsewhere I may be. I always considered every act of love too little compared to what God has done for me.  No reasons, no excuses, no obstacles, no hardships, nothing ever shook my passion for God and nothing was more wonderful than being in His presence, not even the luxury this world offers.

But as the years went by, I became a wife, then a mother. I started dreaming more of material things for a better family life, a good future for my child, sufficient funds for the later years, and more like so. Serving God then became just a tedious responsibility. Marriage and motherhood obligations then became the reason, the excuse, the obstacle, the hardship that gradually tailed off passion for devotion to the Almighty. At times I even try to self-vindicate by saying, “I’m already doing enough much more than others.”

I am shamefully admitting, “Indeed, I have forsaken my first love!”


I am prayerfully beseeching my Heavenly Father to renew my first love and again take back His sovereignty in my life. Please do pray for me also. Godspeed!